A Fount of Procrastination

Hey guys

2009-07-13T01:00:01Z

Hey everyone. Once again, I am not dead. I have been extremely busy with work as always and have been working like 15 hour days. I just wanted to let everyone know that SRBS will be finished eventually but I have no idea where I stand with RBTL these days. My interest in writing for Twilight is really starting to wane. When I do have free time (which is almost never), I feel pulled toward my original writings or to a different fandom. I've said so much about Alice and Jasper that Im running out creative angles to tell their story.

Even with all the suggestions I got after chapter 38, only a few spoke to me in a way that actually made me interested in writing them. I might have to interchange RBTL with something for a different fandom because I am getting burrrrrned out on Twilight.

I have a couple more chapters of RBTL written so I know it will go to 40 and I'd still LIKE to go to 50, I'm just afraid it'll take forever.

SRBS is a whole other beast. I have every chapter written but they all have to be cleaned up and scenes have to be lengthened and stuff before they are sent to the betas. Chapter 9 is a hundred percent ready to go but chapter 10 and 11 are giving me fits. It was all set to send them after Ch 38 of RBTL but I noticed an issue and just haven't found the time to work it out.

Anyway, other than a few strongly worded PMs, the readers have been incredibly kind and understanding of my long absences.

And now a question for you guys. Do any of you read author's notes in stories?

I ask this because I swear to God, if one more person asks me to write a Nessie or Jacob chapter of Six Interruptions, I am going to effing scream. I detailed pretty plainly in the author's notes that the story is SIX chapters. SIX interruptions. Just the Cullen kids. And still...of the 160 reviews for chapter 6, I'll be 100 of them are a request to write the Nessie chapter. Or even better, just a "You forgot the Nessie chapter!" No. No I didn't.

I get PMs from time to time asking me to write something Edward and Bella but I figure they just don't know that I am not a fan of Bella. But the Nessie requests on Six Interruptions...I mean, come on! Makes me want to punch the internet.

So it made me wonder, do you guys read author's notes? I nearly always do unless they are really annoying or if they BEG for reviews. Is there anything that bugs you guys in author's notes (I mean besides empty promises...like in mine)? I get annoyed when authors issue ultimatums. Nothing will make me not review faster than "I'll post the next chapter once I get 10 reviews." In fact, it's liable to make me stop reading the story completely.

And on a final note, I know I have PMs, Emails, and comments to answer. I will get to them all soon. I have like 450 emails in my fanfic folder so if anyone emailed me anything important, PM me on ffn or here because it will take me awhile to wade through them all.

Thanks.

Fic: Elsewhere (Garrett/Kate)

2009-05-13T02:45:10Z

During my hiatus from posting, I got a little non-Alice/Jasper writing in. I might post this on FFN soon (along with 9 Crimes) but I thought I'd let you guys take a look at it first.

Title: Elsewhere
Author: brynna82
Rating: PG (or K+)
Character(s): Garrett/Kate
Summary: A little post-BD Garrett/Kate one-shot.

Disclaimer: The Twilight universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: This is unbetaed and was stashed on my hard drive for awhile. I haven't revisited it since I wrote it. Please forgive any mistakes.

--

Elsewhere

She watched Garrett stroll into the woods, watched him weave through the trees, his head down, his fingers tucked into the pockets of his jeans. She leaned against the railing of her balcony, her lips curving as the wind lifted her hair and tossed it gently against her back.

Garrett walked slowly, meandering aimlessly. Some unfamiliar part of her ached to jump down, to thread her fingers through his and never let go. Instead, she sighed and leaned heavily against the rail. Tanya pushed open the French doors and stood watching her but Kate kept her eyes trained on Garrett. She preferred to watch him than look into the face of her grief-stricken sister.

“Kate,” Tanya whispered. Her voice was full of a unique kind of pain. It spoke of mourning, of bone-deep hurt, of a life-changing loss. But Kate could hear something else in that one word. Why are you here when he's there, Kate?

Tanya's slight tone of admonishment caused Kate to breathe another long, slow sigh. “I don't know how to do this, Tanya.”

“What?” Kate heard it again, that sharp edge to her tone. The crispness with which her sister said the word. You're an idiot if you push him away.

Kate swallowed, still watching as Garrett explored, as he touched trees and trudged toward the snow capped mountains and glassy lakes. “Be happy when she's – when Irina is – ”

Tanya moved forward with hesitant steps, standing close to Kate. “She'd love knowing you found him.”

Kate smiled softly. “He's a good man, isn't he?”

“Oh,” Tanya said with a nod and a little laugh, “he's good for you, sister. He looks at you like I've only dreamed of someone looking at me.”

“I don't know how to do this,” Kate whispered again with a pained sigh. The tone and words, the admission of a potential failure, would never be offered to anyone but Tanya. There was no one else on Earth that she would allow herself to be so vulnerable with.

Her eyes tracked Garrett again, watched as the wind teased his hair in time with hers, watched as his fingers made light paths over the surface of one tree after another. The wind rushed through again and he turned as if the stiff breeze had pulled him around. He lifted his chin automatically, seeking her out. She watched as his breath caught, as he let a simple smile touch his lips. And she felt it then, that weakening of resolve, that washing away of the last vestiges of resistance.

Two people. There were two people on Earth that she could share her vulnerabilities with. She knew then that there were two people that would understand.

Garrett turned back, continuing his meandering, giving her time and space and privacy. Tanya wrapped her arm around Kate's shoulders and squeezed. “He's willing to change his lifestyle for you. He's followed you here. You're allowed to honor her memory and find happiness.”

“You're right,” Kate breathed. “I know you're right.”

She leaned over and kissed Tanya on the cheek before she hooked her hands over the railing and jumped.

–

Garrett turned as he felt Kate approach. His smile was sweet, his eyes kind as he held out his hand to her. The gesture was simple, a need to touch, to comfort. She took it automatically, let herself be pulled close and wrapped up in his long arm. She was tucked in tight to his side and he felt her buckle just a little, felt her melt into his side so that he was supporting her.

He continued his slow stroll, his arm snug around her for long moments before he spoke quietly. “How are you, Katie?”

She smiled softly and then let it fade. He felt her arm raise to settle at his back, her fingers twisted the fabric of his shirt. “I'm sorry I haven't been – ”

He shook his head and silenced her by ducking in for a gentle kiss. “Tell me about her.”

Kate shrugged and lowered her gaze. “How do you sum up a thousand years?”

Garrett liked the sound of her voice, even thick with grief, there was something in that voice, something that warmed him, something that sounded like home. He wanted to keep her talking, to lose himself in that voice and remind himself again and again that his greatest adventure was just beginning. “Was she kind?”

Kate smiled beautifully, her eyes unfocussing as a thousand perfect memories flashed through her mind. “She was hotheaded. And funny. And yes, she was kind.”

“I wish I could have known her.”

“She'd have liked you.” Kate pulled herself free from his grasp and wrapped her arms around him, her hands exploring the firm muscles of his back as she pressed herself against him. He already knew she had no problem with showing her affection, that she had no issues with intimacy but he was determined to let hear lead, to let her grieve and love in her own time.

He kissed the top of her head and held her tight, his arms gripping her in an enveloping hug, keeping her safe and protected from the pain, giving her a haven when her world was turned upside down. “Yeah?”

“She liked men,” she said with a little laugh. Her voice was muffled by his shirt as she pressed her face there.

Garrett grinned into her pale hair. “I've heard that said about all three of you.”

“You've listened to the right rumors.”

He could hear the grin in her voice, the lightness mingling with the sadness, the tiny indicator that she would be all right. “And is that what I am?” he asked, keeping his own tone light. “Am I one of the men you like?”

Kate pulled away with a sigh. She laid her hand against his face, her fingertips caressing lightly. Her eyes were filled with so much pain, with raw fatigue and burgeoning love. Some part of him wanted to draw the question back when she looked at him with those eyes. But then she stood on her toes and kissed the corner of his mouth.

Her breath whispered across his face as she spoke quietly. “You matter, Garrett.” She opened her eyes and met his gaze boldly, offering him her unguarded heart. It seemed as if she didn't have the energy to shore up her defenses anymore. His heart melted as she spoke again, this time in a gentle whisper. “The only one that has ever mattered. And – and I'm all in,” one corner of her mouth lifted in a challenging little smile, “all in if you are.”

He captured her mouth eagerly, drawing her up in a bruising kiss. “I'm here, Katie,” he said between kisses.

She gripped his face with both of her hands, pulling back to look again into his eyes. “What if – what if you get bored here?”

Garrett laughed lightly, the hands at her back brushing through the ends of her hair. “With you? I can't imagine that happening.”

She shook her head. “You'll tell me if you get restless?”

“Katie,” he whispered, “I know we're both new to this...relationship...thing. But you must know that I'm not going anywhere without you.”

Her eyes were still huge with unmasked vulnerability. She was laying it all on the table, was handing her heart over with a raised chin and unwavering gaze and daring him to drop it, to disappoint her. “It might take me awhile to – to get back to normal.”

He squeezed her again, accepting whatever challenge loving her would bring. “I've waited my entire life for you. I can wait a bit longer. Take your time. Mourn your sister. I'll be right here.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Garrett kissed her head again and pulled away, threading their fingers together. He tilted his head toward the woods. “Would you like to walk with me?”

She tossed her long hair behind her and squared her shoulders, wrapping her other hand around their joined ones. “Sure.”

“Now,” he said as they picked a path through the undergrowth, “tell me a story about Irina.”

I'm ALIVE...

2009-04-20T13:05:48Z

Hey all, thanks for the one million messages, nudges, e-mails, reviews and whatnot. Real life got crazy and this stuff all had to be put on the back burner. In the last few weeks, I moved, started writing some new original stuff, and started working 14 hour days. It will still be a bit before I finish up RBTL and start posting on SRBS again but I will finish both.

I am finishing the last of the move this week (cleaning up the old house, turning over the keys, etc) and I should have internet in the new place by next week. Work should also start to settle down this week.

Thanks for your patience and kindness.

sigh

2009-03-19T04:32:55Z

This year effing hates me. The chapter 9 file got oddly corrupted and I could only get the first line to restore, therefore, Some Rise By Sin will probably be late again.

Shoot me now.

SRBS

2009-03-09T22:25:32Z

Just wanted to let everyone know that today's update of SRBS will be a little bit delayed. I had a death in the family this weekend that kind of set everything back. Please be patient with me. My schedule is crazy busy and this week is going to be nuts.

The chapter is with the betas though and I will post just as soon as I can. Thanks.

Fic: 9 Crimes (Rosalie)

2009-03-04T00:33:55Z

I have been working through a lot of the Rosalie POVs in Some Rise By Sin and I love writing her. I think she gets treated pretty badly in most of the stories I've read. I don't think we ever got a clear picture of her since both the Twilight series and Midnight Sun were told from the POV of characters that didn't like her.

Anyway, yesterday, on the way home, 9 Crimes by Damien Rice came on, and my muses went crazy. I had a spare half hour today, so I jotted this down. I'm not sure I'll ever post this on ffn or anything but I thought you guys might enjoy it. It's simply a deeper look at Rosalie.

Title: 9 Crimes
Author: brynna82
Rating: PG-13 (or T)
Character(s): Rosalie
Summary: A character study of Rosalie

Disclaimer: The Twilight universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: This is unbetaed and was written very very quickly. Please forgive any mistakes.

--

9 Crimes

There are few people in her life that have ever bothered to try to understand her bitterness. She knows that it makes her ugly, that her harsh words and unpleasant disposition mar her physical beauty, but she can’t figure out how to care, can’t figure out how to change it.

She used to wear the anger as armor, used to find it necessary to survive her hellish eternity. She was stuck, forever stuck, in that one horrible day. She was violated, her dreams were crushed, and her life was taken. Rosalie was denied everything. Every basic bit of comfort that someone with her experiences should be afforded was taken from her.

She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t wake up in some pure day with a chance to start over. She couldn’t move past it, couldn’t put it behind her, because that violation was both her last and first memory. And so, as her everlasting day wore on, the armor became her skin, the bitterness seeped into her essence, and even as her physical body had become more beautiful, she only grew uglier.

Only Esme had a shadow of an idea in those early years. Only she could understand what it was to simply be stuck, to feel like a product of some best-forgotten violence. Only she could understand what it was to be denied motherhood. And in those days, it was only Esme that could see past the armor, could see what was left of Rosalie’s fragile skin. Only Esme bothered to look harder, to see the frightened girl, to see the reasons for her unending torture.

Esme gave her simple care, loving warmth. She gave her a shoulder without ever prying, without ever asking for more or different or better. She admonished her gently when Rosalie got out of hand, loving her without pitying her. Esme pitied her situation but never her. She allowed Rosalie to retain all of her dignity.

Rosalie only survived the years before Emmett because of Esme.

She hated to look in the mirror at first. She longed for a change, for lines to form, for something to remove her from the girl she was that day. She thought that killing Royce and his friends would help but she came home and looked in the mirror and was the same girl. How could she move on when her life was stuck, when her worst memory was her most vivid one?

Rosalie went to Edward when Emmett came. She and Edward had never gotten along. Reading her thoughts didn’t mean he understood them and she was happier, in those days, to shove everyone away, to be exactly what he thought she was, shallow and bitter and mean. But Emmett was worth bridging the gap, so she went to Edward.

He’d taken one look at her, at her face, at her wringing hands, at all that vulnerability. Her armor was down. She was there with a simple question. "Why me?"

Her thoughts told him the rest of the story. She had thought Royce was decent too, had thought maybe there could be love there, had never imagined he could hurt her. And her heart told her that Emmett was different, that he loved her completely, that it had little to do with her physical beauty and everything to do with the woman he saw when she let her armor down.

But to let her armor down for good, with anyone, was a huge risk. Maybe the biggest risk, and no matter how much she wanted him, wanted a true partner, she wanted some modicum of reassurance. Edward just offered her a soft smile, a rare, fleeting moment of simple love and understanding. "He's not the same," he said. And that was all she needed.

She and Edward might have their differences more than they had their similarities, but he'd never lie, would never hurt her so irreparably.

So with one person, her armor was forgotten. Emmett stood with her in the mirror and she saw that different reflection she was looking for, that something else that separated who she was from that one defining memory. He brought happiness to a life that had been so defined by tragedy and he loved her when she thought herself unloveable.

They were openly affectionate because it was safe. Emmett was her safety. She didn't care who saw or knew because if Emmett was to be her one reward, the one true good in her life, she was going to enjoy him and love him with reckless abandon.

She imagined their child often, allowed that old hurt to wrap itself around her until it touched him, until he ached for wanting to give her what he never could. And try as she might, she couldn't shake off the want. She couldn't help thinking that Royce was continuing to take from her, that her violation was absolute.

And the armor again became her companion.

Alice and Jasper became her brother and sister nearly effortlessly. Jasper asked nothing of her, wanted nothing of her. He simply wanted Alice and Rosalie found the depth of their love refreshing. They were just as broken as she was and yet they had found a way to become a solid unit. They'd left off the armor and had become shields instead. Jasper was Alice's shield and Alice was Jasper's. And when they were folded together, when they were entwined, they were untouchable.

And in those moments when Alice emerged from the intimate life she had created with Jasper, she was so unapologetically Alice. She wanted to be Rosalie's friend. She saw past the armor and never discounted Rosalie's feelings. Alice didn't roll her eyes or push her away, she just made it clear that she could never understand the depth of her hurt, the agony of that kind of pain. But Alice loved her, sharp claws and all. And Rosalie loved Alice right back. She imagined it was impossible not to love Alice.

Rosalie thought that maybe Jasper understood her better than anyone. His ability rendered her armor useless, allowed him to see exactly how affected she was, to see how she struggled everyday to not be defined by her bitterness. She wondered, often, what it was to wear visible scars like Jasper's, visible reminders of all of his past crimes. She imagined it made it easier for him, that people saw the marks and expected nothing. They understood his pain, his unease because the cause was written across every inch of his skin.

Rosalie's scars were all so deep, all so personal that people simply saw the armor, the bitter words and prickly disposition. And before she could even consider letting them in, they were gone. Some part of her ached for some deep wound, some just healed gash that she could point to and yell, “This is why! This!” But she had nothing except her story, her awful memory

She resented Bella from the start. She resented her for causing trouble, for upsetting their lives. She made things so difficult, compromised their safety, and was intent upon throwing away her humanity. Rosalie couldn't stand that thought. She couldn't stand someone willingly giving away everything for which she had yearned. Telling Edward about Bella jumping off the cliff was a mistake but an honest one. She truly believed that Bella was dead and she truly didn't understand the depths of Edward's feelings.

Rosalie fought to make up for the indiscretion, even dropping her armor, even telling Bella her whole horrific story in the hopes that she might make a real life for herself, that she might see the other side of the fairytale. She had only told the story three other times, to Esme, to Alice, and to Emmett. And they had all loved her first, had all made an effort to see past her bitterness. To Bella, the story was told as a gift, as an apology, as a chance.

When Bella was pregnant, Rosalie knew what Edward thought. She wasn't dumb. She knew he simply thought she wanted Bella dead, that she wanted the child. But in reality, she was doing exactly what she would have wanted someone to do for her. If she was pregnant, she'd want someone who could make the difficult choice. She'd want someone who could put the child first. If she and Emmett could create a child, she'd die for that baby a thousand times.

Renesmee wore at her armor, rendered it nearly useless. She was a miracle child and as much as Rose was desperate to be a mother, she loved being an aunt. It somehow lessened the pain. Watching Nessie grow pacified the violent want, made her seem gentler to those that took the time to look.

Rosalie had once longed for death. She used to imagine a do-over where Carlisle never found her, never changed her, and she was simply allowed to pass on. She could have died, childless and unaware. Instead, she was forced to live childless, ageless. She was doomed to an eternity without the one thing she truly wanted. She was doomed to an eternity of pain and anger.

But her family and her husband had changed that want, had twisted it until she could barely remember that breathless ache. That girl who stood in the mirror searching for change was a stranger to the Rosalie she became.

Knowing that the girl was real, that she had once been even more lost, even more pained gives Rosalie some shred of hope, gives her some reassurance that one day, the bitter girl will be just as much of a stranger. She wants all reminders of Royce to be gone for good, to be exorcised from her body and soul.

Until then, she will be content with the people who have found a way in. She will be content to be sister and daughter and wife and aunt. She will be content to fiercely protect her slice of happiness, to fight for the people she loves.

Until then, she will don her armor, will breathe deeply, and will let others define her by her bitterness.

Because, try as she might, she just can't figure out how to change it.

Thoughts

2009-02-28T15:47:47Z

Negative reviews are an interesting thing. I don't get that many but it's funny how one negative review or PM can make you forget dozens of awesome, glowing reviews.

When I wrote the first draft of Some Rise By Sin, I wrote the story I always wanted to read. I pulled Alice and Jasper front and center and gave all of my favorite characters things to do. I meticulously thought out the powers and the conflict and the characters. And at the top of the document, in the header, I wrote "Take your time!" The story has a slower pace than my one-shots, true, but it is supposed to read like a novel. The action will pick up, but I have to get everyone and everything into place. I tend to be very detail oriented and I would never write like...Alice getting taken in chapter one, battle in chapter four. Unrealistic and just not my style.

Anyway, whatevs. I'm going to tell the story I want to tell.

OK, rant over.

I posted a new chapter of RBTL (finally!) but now I have to clean up the next few chapters of SRBS to send to the betas. At some point this weekend, I have to clean my house and do laundry. The clutter in this house is driving me nuts.

I made a decision to just cut back on the review replies and continue with RBTL whenever I can. I work for a huge corporation. I am the lead graphic designer/GUI developer for the websites team but we are all being impacted by the crazy economy. Because of that, work just takes precedence right now. I have strict deadlines to meet and if I don't meet them, I'll cost the company money and endanger my job. My writing time has been cut way back which means I either fill it with review replies, or I fill it with writing. For now, I choose writing. I hope everyone will understand.

So who is ready for spring? It's already getting warmer here (not that it was ever truly cold) and I kind of am dying for some hot weather and maybe a little rain.

OK, enough rambling...off to start laundry and clean up from breakfast!

Some Rise By Sin (Chapter 3)

2009-02-24T12:29:20Z

FFN is still down. I'll post this chapter here for you guys and then repost when the site goes back up. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The Twilight universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

A/N: Thanks to Guardgirl12 and alybee for some the awesome beta work.

--
Chapter 3 - All the Shattered Pieces

“Alice wants a party for Nessie?” Esme repeated.

“Yes. And she wants to invite Tanya and her family,” Bella said again.

Esme frowned at Bella's wringing hands, at her nervous little smile, at her sad eyes. “And Alice called? From her vacation?”

“Right.” Bella shifted from foot to foot. “Would you mind calling Tanya?”

Esme bit her lip gently, her thoughts racing as she worked to figure out what she was really asking. “I suppose. It has been awhile since they visited.”

“So you think they'll come?” Bella's hands stilled as she clasped them together tightly.

“I don't know. I'm sure they will if they are able.”

Bella grinned genuinely, the sadness in her eyes momentarily replaced by a happy little glint. “Thanks Esme.”

Esme frowned again as Bella left her room. Bella really was the worst actress.

She glanced at Carlisle. He was settled in her desk chair, his finger holding the place in whatever novel he was reading. “That was really odd,” he said softly.

She nodded and stared at the door. “Is Edward home?”

“Yes, why?”

Esme shook her head, not willing to let her thoughts take shape while Edward was close enough to hear them. She fiddled with the phone on their bedside table and shook her head. “I've never known Alice to call during one of their vacations unless she was warning us about something.”

Carlisle shrugged and laid his book on the desk. “You know Alice and parties though. If she wants a party, distance isn't going to stop her.”

She forced a smile. “'That's true.”

They stared at each other, each searching the other's face, looking for some sign that they either believed her or didn't. They heard the front door open. She tilted her head as she listened to the footsteps. Everyone but Rose retreated outside. Esme looked out the window as she heard the front door close with a loud thud. She watched Emmett and Edward race into the trees. Nessie danced along after them. Bella trudged slowly behind, her feet dragging in the grass.

Esme frowned again and her mind raced. Bella twisted to look up at her window. Esme smiled slightly and Bella forced a smile of her own. She waved and then took off after Nessie, suddenly playful, clearly working for nonchalance.

“Strange,” Esme breathed.

“Do you want to call Alice?” Carlisle asked. “Maybe something's happened.”

She shook her head. “If Bella's lying, there's a reason.”

He leaned forward in the chair, his hands hooked together. “So you're going to call Tanya.”

She shrugged. “I suppose.”

He sighed as she fiddled again with the phone. “Why do I get the feeling our lives are about to get a whole lot more interesting?”

–

Aro could only grin as Eion and the others led Alice through the doorway. Finally, he had Alice. Finally!

With her at his right hand, he was nearly omniscient. With her at his right hand, there were no threats that the Volturi could not face.

“This is a mistake,” Caius hissed. “You will bring war down upon us.”

Aro shook his head, his smile still in place as Eion guided Alice gently. Her eyes were vacant, her movement tense, nearly robotic. “From Carlisle? Carlisle doesn't fight wars.”

“You said yourself that her mate was a soldier.”

Aro waved a hand, determined not to let Caius spoil his mood. “We have been over this, Caius.” His voice was cheerful. “We must neutralize our greatest threats to lead effectively.”

“The covens that joined to oppose us could overthrow us. Even without the girl.” Caius's voice was low and fast, his tone an angry snarl. “Carlisle might not wage war, but we do not know her mate. Maybe he inspires the same loyalty.”

Aro turned to face his brother. “I have been inside her thoughts, inside Edward's thoughts. There is nothing to fear. Perhaps her mate will come join us. His power could prove quite useful!”

Caius shook his head, a sour expression plastered onto his face. “This is foolish. They have the shield. They have allies.”

Aro leaned forward. His voice was a purr but he knew Caius wouldn't miss the edge there. “We will be able to lead that much more effectively with Alice here. She will allow us to prevent crimes. If her mate decides to strike at us, decides to gather his allies, we will see it and we will neutralize that threat as well. And then we will persuade Bella to join us, and Edward, and Zafrina, and Kate, just as we have with Alice. This is the right action to take. This is the only action that assures our future.”

Caius leaned back in his chair, his face the picture of burning anger. Aro sympathized with Caius. Caius often had trouble seeing the big picture. He simply saw the immediate threat, the immediate danger to their way of life. Yes, perhaps there would be a fight. Perhaps the guard would have to...dismantle the Cullen coven. But the benefits Alice brought to their little company far outweighed the dangers.

He had seen her mate in her mind. They lived for each other. He had considered bringing them both but Jasper would have to come on his own, would have to ask, would have to have thoughts that matched his request. And if he didn't, if he tried to stage some kind of uprising instead, well, that would be most unfortunate.

Eion pushed Alice forward carefully and Aro reached out a thin hand. “Alice! We are so happy to have you.”

Alice blinked and turned her empty stare toward Aro. She remained silent but her lips curved as Cilla stepped close behind her. Such a delightful addition to the guard Cilla was proving to be!

Aro held his hand out and Alice took it obediently. Aro watched intently as all of her thoughts became his. He saw all of it, every thought, every vision, every fear. He saw her speculation on what her mate would do. He saw the vision of her mate's destruction, the willingness with which she went to meet the guard in order to save him. Aro smiled brilliantly as he let her hand go. “Fascinating,” he said softly. Aro turned to Caius and grinned. “Fascinating,” he said again.

He turned his attention back to Alice and Eion. “She's still thinking about her mate.”

Eion shrugged, his chin tilted up in defiance. “I'm touching her, aren't I? I'm focusing. You know as well as I do that my power works differently with each person.”

“You are right, Eion,” Aro soothed. “Do not think I was insulting your ability. It is just interesting that she remembers her mate.”

“That's not so surprising,” Eion whispered through clenched teeth.

Aro clucked his tongue with a gentle smile. “You should invite your mate to join us. She has an interesting power of her own.”

Eion shuddered and shook his head. “Leave her out of this.”

“As you wish.”

“We should get her some food,” Eion said, his voice morose.

Aro looked back, noted Alice's darkened eyes with a start. “Oh! Of course. Heidi, perhaps you could go hunting for us.”

Heidi stepped forward with a beautiful smile. “Of course.”

Eion hissed slightly. “I could take Alice hunting. You know she doesn't drink human blood.”

Aro tilted his head, considering them both with slightly narrowed eyes. When he did speak, his voice was firm, commanding, the thread of kindness diminishing as his impatience rose. “She is a member of the Volturi guard now, not a Cullen. She eats as the rest of us eat.” He turned to Heidi with a nod. “Don't keep us waiting long.”

–

Alice stood very still in the darkness, waiting to see the light again. It felt like an eternity since she saw her dream Jasper last. If she concentrated very, very hard, she could hear what the other Alice was hearing, the Alice that was being led again by those firm fingers.

The light came out of nowhere, an explosion this time instead of a tiny flame. She scrambled back a half dozen steps as the light came to her this time. It rushed forward as if it was going to slam into her, as if it was going to envelop her. She held a hand over her eyes, shielding them from the intensity of the blinding glow.

And then it softened. As quickly as the light burst into her darkness, it was replaced by a warm glow. Alice pulled her hand away and eyed the streetlights through tightly narrowed eyes. She opened them slowly when she saw how dim the lights truly were. It was dusk on the street, the lights had just flickered on.

Alice stepped forward. Her feet crunched on the pebbles of the pavement. Automobiles were in the street as if they had stopped mid-journey. Alice stepped carefully toward a taxi cab. She peered inside, curious now about the scene. There were bodies inside, nameless shapeless people that were little more than dummies. She poked at one with a curious finger. It floated right through. Alice jerked her hand back and moved to the next car, poking again at the “people” inside.

She heard thunder rumble and pulled her head from the open window. Rain started to fall in fat drops. She immediately shielded her head and instinctively ran for the sidewalk. She pulled open the glass door. She stopped inside, grinning hugely.

There he was.

Jasper hopped off the stool, his long legs unfolding, his feet touching the ground so lightly, he may have been floating. He stalked toward her, his expression set in the one she must know the best. His eyes were filled with love, never wavering from their contact with hers. His smile was soft, a little crooked, and completely adoring. “You've kept me waiting a long time,” he said, a teasing tone in his voice.

“I'm sorry,” she said automatically. She sucked in a breath when he held out his hand. “This is how we met,” she breathed.

“Yes, in reverse.”

“You called me 'ma'am.'” She laid her hand in his. “And you took my hand.”

His grin grew. His pride was written across his face as he took a deep breath and squeezed her hand. “You found another memory.”

She closed her eyes briefly as his fingers wrapped tight around hers. “A good one.”

“Would you like to sit?” Jasper motioned toward the booth in the back corner.

She nodded and he led the way, his hand warm and firm in hers. Alice looked around as they walked. Some of the people had faces now. The woman behind the counter had her red hair in a braid. Her cat's eye glasses were perched on the end of her nose. She held the order pad in her hand, her pen poised over the paper. The man in the kitchen was round and cheerful looking, his cheeks rosy, his smile wide. Various diners sat in booths and at the counter, nursing cups of coffee or half eaten burgers.

They were all motionless. The entire scene looked as if someone had pushed the pause button. “Why is no one moving?”

Jasper slid into the booth, all long limbs and unconscious grace. “You don't remember what they were doing once I walked in.”

“Oh.” Alice settled in across from him. “And the people outside?”

“You weren't outside. You just imagined there were cars and added them to your memory.”

“Very strange,” she whispered.

He smiled softly. “Your mind.”

She laughed and leaned forward, her hands were suddenly cupping a warm mug of coffee as if the scene was catching up with her returning memory. Jasper watched her intently as his fingers made meandering little paths over the smooth surface of the table. She watched the paths, grinning when she saw that he was writing her name again and again. “I feel like you aren't the Jasper everyone else sees, like this is all private.”

He smiled that crooked little smile. “You do see a different Jasper than anyone else. And I see a different Alice.”

“What are you like normally?”

He opened his mouth as his eyes narrowed, searching for the answer. She searched with him. If he was in her mind, he knew what she knew. He closed his mouth and smiled, his eyes relaxing as they found the answer together. “This is how you've always seen me.”

One corner of her mouth pulled up as her lips pressed together. She touched her forehead lightly. “We're in my mind.”

“Yes.”

“Down the rabbit hole and through the tiny door and into the garden?”

He laughed again. “You have to stop reading that book.” His fingers stopped and reversed their course. Long black streaks trailed over the table as he drew, as his fingertips made their paths. Alice laid her head close to the table, searching for the ink, for the magic there. There was nothing, his fingers were as pale as ever, hovering a breath away from the surface of the table. “Your mind,” he whispered again as an explanation.

The drawing took shape. Suddenly it was a little white rabbit with a waist coat and a pocket watch. She smiled at the familiar image. “Is this you? Are you going to guide me through this strange land.” Alice laughed as she said it, spreading her arms and using a booming, theatrical voice.

His expression was more serious as he met her gaze. “The darkness will – it will drive you to madness.”

“The white rabbit got Alice more lost.”

Her imaginary Jasper shrugged, his arms held out over the picture of the rabbit. “I'm a part of your mind. A defense against the darkness.”

“You'll stay with me?”

He held out his hand and she considered it for a moment before placing her hand in his. “I'm yours to keep or send away.”

“Keep,” she whispered. “Keep.”

–

Jasper was settled at Peter and Charlotte's table. His head was pillowed in his hand. The fingers of his other hand were making little trails across the table. When Alice sketched, her method was much the same. She made wild lines, senseless little strokes of the pencil that somehow became whole portraits, whole renderings of her thoughts.

She said once that she wondered what his idle little paths would make. Would they be scribbles? Just mindless little symbols of his boredom or nerves or discomfort. Or would they be something great? He smiled at the thought as his eyes traced the lines. Scribbles, undoubtedly. But it was so like Alice to see the greatness in him, to see the greatness in the most mundane of his actions.

“Jasper,” Peter said softly.

Jasper lifted his head, wondering how long he'd been calling his name. “Yeah?”

“What's your plan?”

He linked his fingers together, watched as Charlotte leaned against the door frame behind Peter. “I don't know, exactly. I'm going to see if Edward and Eleazar will go to Italy.”

Peter glanced back at Charlotte before his eyes settled again on Jasper. “And then what?”

“Then I'll know what I'm up against.”

Peter leaned forward, his fingers linked together. “We need plans, Jasper. Are – are we fighting? Are we forcing their hand? Are you joining them? What are your plans?”

Jasper shook his head. “How can I plan without knowing what I'm up against? I'm – I'm trying to do this the right way.” He touched the table again, making letters, spelling out her name. “If I run in there right now and try to get her out, I'll probably get us both killed. I'm trying to be smart.”

Charlotte moved to sit next to Jasper. She pushed at her blonde hair before she spoke, brushing it out of her eyes. “If they just want Alice, what will you do?”

“I'll join them.” He answered automatically, no hesitation in his voice. “And I'll wait for an opportunity to get her out of there.”

Peter glanced again at his mate, his eyes flicking over for the tiniest moment. “What if this is just the first strike?”

Jasper frowned, his eyebrows drawing together as he considered the question. “Then I suppose I'll need to know if you'll stand with me.”

Peter and Charlotte gazed at each other for a long moment, a whole conversation passing between them. “Of course, Jasper,” Peter said. “Of course.”

Jasper let out a breath on a shaky sigh. Somehow it was easier with confirmed allies in his corner. Whatever he chose to do, he'd have Peter and Charlotte on his side. He knew he could count on the Cullens as well and Tanya and her family. It wasn't enough, not nearly enough if they had to take on the Volturi and the guard, but it was a start.

It was a start.

--

And to those that were asking if it was all right to friend me, feel free. I love meeting new people and learning more about you guys. :)

fanfiction.net sucks.

2009-02-24T00:13:53Z

Well, things are a little insane right now but I just wanted to drop a line to let you guys know that fanfiction.net's login/uploading is down and has been for a couple of days so that's why I haven't updated RBTL and that's why I won't be updating Some Rise By Sin today (unless you guys want me to post it here since we don't know when the site will be fully functional again).

I promise to respond to reviews and comments and everything soon. Work has kind of gone crazy since Friday. Crazy enough that I'm starting to consider the end of RBTL. I'd like to get to fifty chapters but I'm not sure if I can possibly get there, much less go beyond with my work schedule and everything else I have going on. Plus, now with Some Rise By Sin, the amount of review replies per week has doubled. If I post two chapters of each, I'll have 200 review replies to write in addition to writing RBTL chapters and cleaning up and editing Some Rise By Sin chapters. That's a lot of time devoted to fanfic.

I'm tired.

But I won our Oscar game! Bragging rights for 1 year. :)

Raaaaaambling...

2009-02-17T00:29:12Z

Well, the new fic is up. Now the nerve-wracking part...waiting for the feedback.

I need to answer some PMs and respond to five pages of reviews but I thought I'd stall by rambling on here for awhile. It is amazing how chapter 34 can be one of the least reviewed chapters in a long time (which I was expecting) and still, somehow, I'm behind on replies.

I should also probably go for a run and make a grocery list (I am out of coffee!) and finish up the laundry and about one thousand other things but stalling seems like a better way to go.

Today, I switched from Pandora to last.fm for my I'm-sick-of-everything-on-my-iPod work music. Y'all, I'm in love. Unlimited skips? Firefox integration? A much larger library? Yes, please. I seriously got nothing done today. But I found a lot of new music. I also like that when you favorite a song and then mouse over the little heart on the Firefox player, it says "Thank you for loving this track." Makes me smile every time.

I got through some more Oscar nominees this weekend. I watched Doubt, Rachel Getting Married, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I'm immensely surprised to be able to say that I liked all three. I was convinced that Doubt was going to be horribly boring but I was riveted. Meryl Streep is a damn genius. Rachel Getting Married was very raw and Anne Hathaway's performance was unbelievably brave. All things equal, she should win the Oscar. I don't think she will, but that truly was the performance of the year. Benjamin Button was interesting and long and I ultimately really enjoyed it. But it was long. And yet it somehow still felt rushed in parts.

So does anyone else watch American Idol? Did anyone notice that I worked my posting schedule around episodes? I'm not sure what to think about this season. I don't really like anyone yet that much. And if Tatiana or Norman make it a step further, I'm done with the show. I mean, I realize that it's barely a singing competition anymore but...does it need to be a joke?

This weekend, I'm having some friends in town for various activities. I think there is a concert of some kind on Saturday, then we are going to try to hit up Gospel Brunch at House of Blues on Sunday and then, of course, Oscar party (seriously...I have to win our game this year) on Sunday night. Should be fun but I am contemplating taking off Monday since something tells me I'll be worn out. Of course, it's not like I'm a construction worker. I do just sit in a cube all day with my Wacom tablet and keyboard. I can do that with a wine headache.

All right, I've stalled enough. Review reply time.

A Journey Through Fandom

2009-02-15T19:27:31Z

When I was thirteen years old, I came home one evening from church camp. I was tired and sweaty from days spent in the Texas summer heat. My dad had a big grin when I walked into the living room and he nodded toward the study. There, on the big desk that my great-grandfather built, was a shiny new Compaq computer with a phone line running into an actual built-in modem. We had the internet.

That night, I logged on for the first time. It was slow and would disconnect me every time there was a call. But after nine o'clock, I shut the door to the study and started exploring. The internet was still young then so there wasn't much to see. A lot of ill-colored websites made in Angelfire or Geocities. A lot of screens filled with text. But still, it was amazing.

The term fanfiction was long-known to those that read the great old printed fanzines. Usually fanzines were printed for sci-fi fandoms like Star Trek, Star Wars, and X-Files. When I first got online, a lot of the fanzines had started to archive their old submissions online. This was a couple of years before the inception of fanfiction.net so the sites were scattered with no hub. Somehow, I stumbled into one of those pages filled with text, but this text was about Star Wars.

I don't remember the name or even if there was shipping involved, but I know that it forever changed the way I used the internet. I was already a fan of the Star Wars extended universe books, so the idea of fanfiction wasn't such a foreign one. After all, those books often read like really long fics.

Soon after, theforece.net and The Corellian Embassy and fanfix.com all came into being. And I combed through story after story. I had my first taste of fandom, and my first ship. I was a Han and Leia fan, of course and I can still remember reading Marie's missing moments series for the first time and Leela Starsky's 40 Days to Bespin and Dianora's *ahem* adult fics.

And then I started to write. Badly. Very badly. But it was a start.

I kept reading, too. My love for Star Wars died away a bit and I delved into other fandoms like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Eventually, fanfiction.net came into being. I can't quite remember what it was like when it opened, but I can remember that all of its pre-cursors were simply long pages with links to other sites.

Fanfiction.net exploded in popularity and it was around this time that I remember anime terms moving into non-anime fanfic. Suddenly there were lemons and yaoi and yuri and hentai. There were acronyms and this strange new trend of smashing names together to describe a ship. Suddenly, fanfiction was this real, common thing on the internet. It was no longer relegated to the die-hards and zine readers, suddenly it was part of the fabric and culture of the 'net.

And I kept writing. Still badly. Still without purpose or a voice. But I kept going.

Eventually, I decided to post my first fanfic. It was under an alias and I don't even remember the title or what it was about. I know it was in the Matrix section of ffn and I know it was awful. I eventually purged the account and kept practicing and practicing. I filled discs with stories that would never see the light of day and each one got a tiny bit better.

As I got older, I didn't write quite so much or read as much fanfic. I started concentrating on my art more and had other things to occupy my time. Of all things to bring me back in, it was seeing the movie A Knight's Tale. I was so pissed when I left the theater. Good idea for a film, terrible execution.

I started writing my idea of a way to fix it, again, never intending for it to see the light of day. By the time I got to 20,000 words or so, I realized I had a decent fic. I created my current account and I posted a chapter. To my immense surprise, people liked it. They begged for more. The reviews were addictive and being a real, concrete member of the fandom was pretty fun.

I finished that story and produced a sequel and a one-shot in a different ship (Simple) and then, I got busy again, lost interest in the fandom, moved on.

But I found others. I started reading Final Fantasy fanfics and Harry Potter and Farscape. And I wrote my own, once again, never to see the light of day. I love writing for myself and I consider it no different from the sketchbooks that I keep. It's all practice. They don't all have to be masterpieces and they don't all have to be for the world.

In 2006, I started a novel length Ronon/Teyla fic for the Stargate: Atlantis fandom (Sparring). It would eventually take me nearly two years to finish. I learned so much writing it and that experience has really added to my reluctance to commit myself to writing longer stories.

I wrote original stories too but I was in school and starting a career and writing was really placed on hold. Once I finished up Sparring and graduated and started working, I really let my art go. Once it was my job, I didn't want to do it at home anymore. So I started writing again and reading fanfic to fill the extra time.

I suppose this is where I started reading Jericho and Firefly and even more Harry Potter. And I also read the Twilight books.

Now, I often write fanfics because there is something I don't like about the canon. In the case of Twilight, I didn't like getting glimpses of these amazing secondary characters only to never have them pay off. I didn't like Edward and Bella very much. I didn't like the love-triangle and the very Mary-Sue nature of New Moon.

But I loved the Cullens. And I loved the world. And I wanted to play in it.

I wrote They'll Never Know (which would eventually become the first chapter of RBTL) in about thirty minutes and stashed it away on my hard drive. Again, I thought I would just write some things for me. I also wrote a little one-shot of a conversation between Rosalie and Edward that still lives on my hard drive. But Alice and Jasper were still in my head. Redefining Words was my way to fill in the blanks. I had all these little drabbles for the pair and decided to connect them. I liked the story well enough, so I posted. I was dipping my toes in, seeing how the water was. The response was positive enough to get me to post some more. At this point, I had several one-shots written and had decided to post them as a collection.

It's actually hard work, having a big, frequently updated story in a popular fandom. I spend a couple of hours, a few days a week responding to PMs and e-mails and reviews. I write whenever I have an extra moment and try to stick to an actual posting schedule.

I decided to write this essay because everytime I post, I get reviews and PMs that mention my talent or talk about how they wish they wrote better. Writing well takes practice and luck and more practice.

I make no illusions about my talent. I know I'm a decent enough writer but I can think of a dozen fanfic writers off the top of my head that I am in awe of. Everytime I sit down in front of a keyboard, I learn something and everytime I post a chapter or story, I second-guess myself, wondering if I learned enough. I found my voice as a writer sometime before writing Sparring and since then, writing has come easier for me, certainly, but it's still hard work and takes a ton of practice.

I also wrote this because I was thinking about the people that discount fanfic, especially the published authors (not all of them) and critics. Speaking from personal experience, there was no greater playground to hone my skill. Without fanfiction, I would have never found my voice as a writer.

In the last week, I ventured back in time to the world of Star Wars fic. I didn't go through ffn, but decided instead to see if any of my old haunts still existed. To my surprise, much was the same. fanfix.com was long gone but the little zine sites and ship repositories still remained. I sought out Marie's missing moments series and was blown away all over again. It was better than any Star Wars book, maybe better than Star Wars itself.

So, to those that discount fanfiction: You're reading the wrong ones.

And to those that are still looking for your voice: Don't be afraid to write crap, don't feel like you have to post everything, don't give up, and eventually it will get better and easier. And way more fun.

--

And thanks to all that were concerned about the beta thing. The long fic is back on schedule and will include good grammar. I'm still kicking a title around but I will decide by the time I post chapter 34 of RBTL (later today). Now, coffee and writing time. It is Sunday, after all. :)

Uh Oh

2009-02-11T04:02:14Z

And tonight I find myself without a beta for the long fic. Not sure if I should fly solo or try to find another. It's not the grammar I most need help with (although you all probably know that I need some help with that too...haha), it's more knowing when to expand and when to pull back. I get too into the story and then don't realize that things don't make sense. Or that they need just a bit more time and explanation. I sent a PM to one of my more analytical reviewers but I don't even know if she betas so...I might be working on this one alone for a few chapters if I can't find someone soon.

I hope real life starts behaving for my previous beta. She was great and I wish her the best

Whether I do it alone, or with help, the first chapter is going up on Monday the 16th with a chapter every Monday and Thursday after that. RBTL will shift around it with a new chapter every weekend (for sure) and one during the week (when I'm inspired).

Check out how I used my Josh Holloway icon to make me feel better. Dreamy.

Angst vs. Fluff

2009-02-10T02:43:39Z

I have another question for you guys.

As you all have undoubtedly noticed, I like to use RBTL to experiment. I like to mix up my styles and tones and POVs. I like writing angst and fluff and family stuff and character studies and dialogue and no dialogue. Since the beginning, through 32 chapters and over 1000 reviews (I can't quite believe it), there is one thing that always makes me laugh.

Whenever I post angst, I get like fifteen reviews or PMs asking for fluff. And when I post fluff, I get feedback asking when I'm going to post angst. I can't really change the tone of what I post. When I'm feeling the angst, I write angst and when I'm feeling the fluff, I write fluff.

I don't really find Alice and Jasper to be a very cutesy couple and when I write fluff, I try to still maintain my characterizations and character development. I've read a lot of really stupid fluff is my point, so I may shy away from it a bit more as I don't want to cross that line. I don't really have a preference on what I like to read. As long as it's well-written, I can deal with pretty much any kind of fic.

So my question for you is...angst or fluff? Do you even have a preference or does it depend on your mood or the pairing or the author?

Bonus question: Why, when I post an angst chapter do people forget that the previous one was (often) fluff and vice versa?

:)

Yawn

2009-02-03T04:28:37Z

I just did 6 pages of review replies and wrote about 6,000 words on the long fic and wrote a chapter to post tomorrow for RBTL. I still have PMs to get through. I'm not complaining. It's obviously my choice to do this but...thank God I write fast. Looking forward to my birthday weekend. I might even leave the Mac at home.

Ok, no I won't.

It's Sunday, I'm Posting

2009-02-01T22:44:48Z

This post won't be much in the way of excitement. As a matter of fact, here is just a random list of things I'm thinking about:

- Working on the long fic today while the rest of America watches the Superbowl. I took out the Bella and Edward POVs because they are the ones I always have to force myself to write. That means that this fic is all secondary characters all the time. Just the way I like it.

- Speaking of secondary characters, check out my sweet [title of show] icon. I went looking for icons that have something to do with writing and found some good [tos] stuff. [title of show] was the best play I saw on Broadway last year. It's closed now but if it ever has a revival or plays in your area, GO SEE IT. It is so inspirational and hilarious. My abs hurt when we left from laughing so hard.

- I am still behind on review replies and PMs but I will try to get caught up during The Office. Writing takes precedence currently.

- I have several outtakes from the long fic and I thought about collecting them to post on ffn in one collection but now I am thinking I will just post them here for you guys.

- This weekend, I powered through some of the Oscar nominees. I saw Happy Go Lucky, The Reader, and Encounters at the End of the World. I haven't been able to get my hands on all the documentaries yet (I'm dying to see Trouble the Water) but of the ones I have seen, it's a tight race. I give the edge to Encounters though. Even though I adored Man on Wire, Encounters was so original, such a beautiful look of the eccentric kind of person it takes to live and work in Antarctica. I nearly stopped Happy Go Lucky after about fifteen minutes but then I was just drawn it. Sally Hawkins was pretty genius in the lead role. I don't think it has a chance in the screenplay category, not against the likes of Wall-E and Milk but it was fun to watch. The Reader was another story entirely. I did not enjoy the movie. Kate Winslet was predictably great, and I think this may just be her year to finally win (although we should never count out Meryl Streep), but I kind of hated the movie. I have a lot more nominees to get through before the 22nd but I am determined to win our Oscar game this year. Determined!

- Work was crazy this week. Another deadline came out of no where and I worked seventeen hours on Tuesday. Then on Wednesday, I had to drive down South for a funeral. It was exhausting. I feel better now but since next weekend is my birthday, things don't look to get any less exhausting anytime soon.

OK, enough stalling...back to writing.

Random Twilight Question

2009-01-27T00:45:03Z

OK guys, I have a question. I was reading through some parts of the books yesterday while working on the long fic and I have a question...

I know that when a vampire has their limbs pulled off, the limbs are still alive (thus the need to pull them apart and burn the pieces). Do you think those limbs can be reattached? Are they gone forever?

I'm to an actiony portion of the fic and not that I'm ripping any arms off, but it would be nice to know the stakes. I looked on the Lexicon and they didn't even mention that aspect of vampirism.

Did I miss something in the books?

A Minor Rant

2009-01-25T18:38:18Z

I'm doing my (now) normal Sunday writing extravaganza. I am plugging away at the long fic and getting chapter 30 of RBTL ready. But yesterday, I got caught up on my review replies and then started going through my PMs. I noticed a few annoying trends.

People keep asking me to review their stories even though they have never once reviewed anything of mine. That's fine and all, no one is obligated to review anything I write but it certainly doesn't make me rush over like I would for one of my regular reviewers. The really annoying thing though -- most aren't even stories within the ships that I write for. I don't really want to read about Jake and Nessie or Alice and someone who isn't Jasper. Am I wrong for being kind of annoyed by that? Maybe it's just because I'm so busy so any reading time that I can find is precious. I understand that they want more reviews but I kind of feel like they are just PMing any author with a high review count.

So another thing that I know I'm justified in being annoyed by -- some people (again, not any of my regular reviewers) have been getting annoyed when I don't write their suggestions fast enough. I mean, what the hell? I try to be nice about it but...this is MY story and I write what I want to write at the moment. I welcome the suggestions whole-heartedly but I get so so many, plus I have my own ideas so some just won't get written and some are way too vague to spark my interest. I started having people clarify their suggestions in the last batch. I have a few readers who are brilliant at suggesting things in a way that makes me want to write it immediately. When Yvaughn asked for the baseball chapter, I could just see the moment in my mind. When someone asks for "something during Eclipse," it doesn't really get my mind working.

RBTL has been getting more and more hits and reviews with each chapter which is great but having been in the fanfic world since the days of the Star Wars 'zines, there is some degree of etiquette that should be followed. I write because it's fun for me and the only reason I'd stop writing is if it isn't fun anymore. Luckily, most of my reviewers keep it fun and interesting and challenging and make me forget about the ones that don't.

Anyway, rant over. I got past my big deadline at work, took a day off and slept the day away. This weekend, I started getting caught back up on everything fanfic related. I'm actually excited about RBTL again for the first time in awhile. I have a lot of ideas in the works. I'm definitely in for the next ten...we'll re-evaluate at 40. :)

Insert Title Here

2009-01-19T01:39:16Z

I just caught up on review replies, emails, PMs, and posted a new chapter of RBTL. My eyes are tired but I am supposed to have the next chapter of the long fic off to the beta tonight so I will keep writing. Blerg.

I love interacting with the readers and reviewers but working on a complex story while maintaining my update schedule on RBTL is exhausting.

Anyway, crazy weekend this weekend. My freaking car broke down on Friday. I have to have it towed to the dealership tomorrow. I swear I'm seriously considering just buying a new one. Then I went home, posted a chapter, and watched Battlestar. It was crazy. It was so crazy that my adrenaline was pumping and it kept me from falling asleep.

This week I have deadlines and meetings and I think there's a baby shower somewhere in there and to top it all off, I have a guest visiting this week. I'm tired just thinking about it. Maybe I'll take Thursday off since it's the only day that I don't have meetings.

I think that when I finish the draft of this fic, I'm going to have to take a couple of weeks off of writing. It won't work but planning for it makes it easier to push through these times when I feel a little burned out.

So has anybody read any good books lately? I have a stack on the to be read pile but I'm looking for a good audio book for my commute.

3 Random Thoughts

2009-01-11T15:39:15Z

1) I just got caught up on review replies. I think deciding to do them was the right choice. It takes a while but people take the time to read and give feedback, I can at least take the time to send a nice reply.

2) So, I somehow stumbled onto the forums at ffn today. Holy crap, y'all. Not my scene. I felt incredibly old just reading the posts.

3) I spent a couple hours early this morning reading Jacob/Leah fic. I always thought that if I wrote any Twilight couple besides Alice/Jasper or Carlisle/Esme, it would be Garrett/Kate. But, man, I think I have to add Jacob and Leah to that list. If I ever decided to break away from canon, I could really see writing them. There is a lot of interesting territory there.

Working and writing and thinking about characters

2009-01-10T22:05:54Z

I got a new project at work this week that has zapped my time. I am a graphic designer but I also wear a developer hat when I must. This week, I was called upon to create an application so I shut down Photoshop and started coding again. I can always feel the coding days acutely. My eyes hurt, my brain hurts, and oddly, I can never seem to put the work down.

Extra work means that I got behind on my writing. I intended to do more on RBTL this week but only was able to produce two hastily written chapters. I'm going to try to get a jump on chapters this weekend so I can get back to my usual three next week. But the rest of today is going to be devoted to the novel-length fic. I am determined to start posting in February so I have to really get to writing. I just made a big pot of coffee and a delicious soy cheese pizza and I'm going to get to it.

But first, when I was writing chapter 24 of RBTL, with the shifting POVs, I got to thinking about characters and what makes a good character. I make no apologies for the fact that I have issues with Bella. I don't really get her. I feel like she was well set-up early on and then toward the end of Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, everything I believed about the way she would act was changed.

I nearly always find the supporting characters more compelling. There is always a story left to tell, always moments we didn't see. I loved Alice immediately and that could also be some of my issue with Bella. She says she loves Alice and that she misses her when she's gone but she nearly constantly acts annoyed with her.

I think the best characters are the heroes of their own story. If you can get inside their head and see the path they are on and their motivations, then they are a good character. I always use Scorpius from Farscape as an example of a good character. He was a nasty villain made all the more nasty because from his point of view, everything he was doing was right and with purpose. He was the villain in John's story but the hero in his. That makes for some fascinating and complex story telling.

So I'm curious...what do you guys think makes a great character?

A Break

2009-01-04T17:39:18Z

I woke up this morning and looked around and realized that my house was a mess and I had no groceries and no clean clothes. So today, I'm taking a much needed break from writing fanfic and from non-work related internet use...starting after I hit the post button ;).

The last chapter of RBTL stands as one of the least reviewed chapters currently but I don't mind. I really liked the way it came out. I'm annoyed that fanfiction.net's hit counter continues to be broken because I can't even tell if the view count is normal. What I have learned is that the readers like Charlie, Jasper's accent, and family stuff. Readers like Nessie and Bella chapters much less.

On the way to the grocery store, I realized that I have a one-shot that I wrote early on for RBTL that I can't use now so I'll probably go ahead and post it here later on in the week.

The excursion to the grocery store was a monster success. I usually have to go to Whole Foods to get all my weird organic vegan and gluten-free stuff but to my surprise, HEB had everything I needed and it's so so much cheaper than Whole Foods.

Now it's time to do some laundry and go for a run and, you know...put away the wrapping paper from Christmas.

Ramblings

2009-01-01T22:41:48Z

You can tell I have the day off. I'll probably never again post twice in one day.

I just made oven baked sweet potato fries (yes...I am that Southern), black eyed peas (for luck), and tofu bites for a late lunch. It was so good. Now I'm pondering making some gluten-free cookies and pumpkin bread. I feel so off-kilter on these mid-week days off. All I can think about is the work I left unfinished yesterday. I think I am going to have to work some on Saturday to make up the time.

Every single time I post a new chapter on RBTL, I think about how much of a mistake it was to use songs for the chapter titles. I love music and I love the emotional punch that a song can give but choosing the songs to pair with each chapter can be such a headache. I know that some people enjoy the songs so it's worth it but...man it's tough. Also, the chapter titles aren't at all descriptive so even I can't remember which chapter is which. I chose to go with songs because I hate titling things so I thought it would be an easier device. It's not. /rant :)

Is it wrong to eat while watching The Biggest Loser? It feels wrong.

I think I'll be taking a break from the potential award winners to see Defiance tonight. I can't resist a good World War II movie (unless it has Tom Cruise in it...then I have no trouble all) and it has a pretty nice cast. I am not looking forward to seeing Doubt or The Wrestler but I feel like I have to. I wish I still lived near the independent theater here in Houston. It's so hard to see documentaries and foreign films now.

God, this post is pointless and now my icon has made me want to watch some Arrested Development.

Fanfic Woes

2009-01-01T12:55:43Z

I have a problem this morning as I sit down to write some new material for my stories.

Namely, I am so into this novel-length fic I am writing. It is filling my mind, making other writing nearly impossible. I need to post a new chapter of Reading Between the Lines today and I have started four different stories, only to return to the novel each time.

I had this same problem with Six Interruptions. I pretty much ran out of ideas for moments to be interrupted by the end and every time I would start one, I'd end up writing a one-shot for Reading Between the Lines instead. Also, the last chapter was a chore to write because I don't enjoy writing Bella.

Anyway, I have no idea what I'll end up posting today.

In other news, I watched the film Slumdog Millionaire the other night. It's fantastic. It was gritty and frustrating and sad and beautiful and hopeful, all at once. I enjoyed every second of it. I loved the Bollywood number over the credits. It was such a perfect outpouring of joy to end the movie with. Just stunning work.

Starting Fresh for the New Year

2008-12-31T23:11:09Z

I purged my old journal and I am starting over from scratch. I decided that I needed a new way to avoid cleaning/laundry/work/writing and resurrecting my old journal seemed like as good a place to start as any...

I also cleared my friend list since a lot of my friends were inactive/friends from fandoms I haven't written in for years so if you are inclined to friend me, feel free. I'd love to meet some new people or reconnect with old friends.